


Virility

by FrozenHearts



Series: Connections Around Eos (And Other Hidden Monstrosities) [5]
Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Devil May Cry, DmC: Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angels, Ardyn Izunia is a Jerk, Awkward Flirting, Crime Fighting, Demons, Fallen Angels, Gen, Gods, Ignis Is Done With Evryone's Shit, Implied Relationships, Jealousy, M/M, Magic, Mentioned Ardyn Izunia, Mentioned Bayonetta, Monsters, Noctis Is Tired, Pagan Gods, Trickster Gods, Witchcraft, demon hunting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHearts/pseuds/FrozenHearts
Summary: The newest energy drink in town is exactly as shitty as Ignis thought it was to begin with.orDante joins the party and brings along some demonic friends. Gladio is less than happy with Dante constantly trying to flirt with Ignis and no one knows who exactly the witch woman is but she sure looks like she could be related.





	Virility

**Author's Note:**

> The only Devil May Cry game I played was DmC: Devil May Cry but I know a little bit about the original series too to mix it up with the reboot a little bit
> 
> Honestly Nero's new arm and V are the two reasons I'm most excited for the new DMC
> 
> Also, I do recommend reading 'Sage, Rosemary & Time' which features Dishonored's The Outsider and Ardyn, as I do hint at him being connected to this one-shot.

When Gentiana had told them to touch the sacred stones to accept the power of yet another god, Ignis was tired. They had slogged through dungeons, been attacked by imps, garulas and anaks galore, fell through icy waters underground, fished for huge sea monsters that shouldn't have ever been classified as fish in the first place and only just scraped by during a battle with the fucking Titan before infiltrating an Imperial base to get their stolen car back.

Now they were wandering through Lestallum, following iris as she prattled on about how her "new friend Dante and his brother Vergil wanted to have her over to try this new energy drink!"

Honestly, Ignis knew about Virility. It was a green can full of what basically equated to gasoline and Prompto and Noctis couldn't get enough. The two were often bouncing around instead of doing their homework and Ignis dreaded the light in the two boy's eyes at Iris' mention of the aforementioned drink. Looking over, he could see Gladio glaring at iris' bac as she prattled on about her new friends, no doubt devising ways to kill them six ways to the beyond and back and then some.

"We're almost at their trailer!" iris chirped excitedly, "Honestly, I'm excited to meet Vergil finally, Dante talks about him a lot-"

"Hold on!" Gladio put a hand on Iris' shoulder, "They live in a trailer? Like, in a park?"

Iris shrugged, "Dante does, Vergil doesn't." Smiling at him, she grabbed his hand and started pulling the Shield along, "Let's go! Dante wanted to meet you guys and I don't want to make him wait!"

Ignis grinned as Gladio rolled his eyes, letting his little sister tug him through the streets; Noctis and Prompto weren't far behind, nudging and laughing at each other. Ignis saw Noctis holding a green can and felt his lip curl slightly. Virility, as many times as Ignis knew he already said, was pure disgusting. But Noctis, being the prince and a teenager, kept drinking the stuff just to spite him. Walking briskly, Ignis snatched the can from Noctis and tossed it perfectly into a nearby garbage bin, wiping his hands on his pant leg in disgust.

"I didn't even get to finish that!" Noctis pouted as Ignis beckoned him and Prompto to hurry and join the others. Iris was with Gladio up ahead; from the corner of his eye he saw them make a sharp left, down an area that seemed to house the beginnings of a hiking trail connected to the main roads. The gravel was loose under his boots but Ignis was quick to follow as he saw Iris and Gladio approach a clearing on the side of the road, trailers and lawn chairs all lines up haphazardly. A white trailer sat at the end of the line, the paint chipped and dirty with a flickering neon sign hanging from the wall.

"Devil May Cry?" Prompto read aloud, "Is that like pest control?"

"Do demons even count as pests?" Noctis asked.

"Guys, hurry up!" Iris whined, politely knocking on the door of the trailer. Gladio stood to the side, arms crossed as he glared preemptively at whoever was going to come out, whoever this Dante guy was. His fists were shaking ever so slightly and his brow was furrowed as he stared at the door. No one else was in the general vicinity, and as Ignis took in the surrounding yellowed grass and somewhat deadened trees, he didn't blame them.

"Are you sure it's wise to stand around here?" Ignis piped up, "Even if you know this 'Dante' I highly doubt this environment is entirely safe."

Iris blew a raspberry, turning to bang her fist against the door. The sound was deafening in the sudden silence, each bang sounding like nails on a chalkboard, making Ignis's bones rattle. From inside the trailer they could hear some bustling, scratches of furniture being moved along with a male voice grumbling angrily. The neon sign hanging from the trailer flickered from blue to red.

"Dante!" Iris called, "It's Iris! I bought my friends I was telling you about!"

"I told you to go away, Kat!" came what had to be Dante's voice, scratchy and hoarse but still young. The door didn't open, leaving them to wait impatiently.

"It's not Kat, it's Iris," Iris gave the others an apologetic look over her shoulder as she answered, "C'mon, you can't stay cooped up in there forever-"

"Actually I can do whatever the hell I want and if you don't leave my property right now I-" was the angry retort, the squeak of a door and suddenly there was a young man no older than maybe twenty-three, stark naked as the day he was born staring with wide eyes at the group before him. His skin was slightly tanned, bruises and scratches on his arms and legs and chest. His jawline was sharp, framing a face of angry grey eyes and full pouty lips. Dark hair was shaved close to this head on the sides, although if Ignis looked closer (or anywhere other than the obvious nudity) he could see streaks of white settling in.

"You aren't Kat," he finally said, rolling his shoulders as he schooled his expression back into a lazy apathetic glare.

"No, it's Iris," Iris said, nudging Gladio as he tried covering her eyes, "Gladdy, I'm not five, I know what a penis looks like, geez."

ignis chuckled at the blush on Gladio's face, even as Dante snickered and playfully winked, saying, "Is this the brother you told me about? Maybe he wants to play too?"

"Iris, you had sex with this guy?!" Gladio suddenly spluttered, taking a step back.

Iris rolled her eyes, "Ew, Gladdy, no. As if. Dante is just a friend, I promise."

"Last I checked, friends don't walk around naked in broad daylight," Gladio jabbed a finger in Dante's direction. The man seemed unbothered by it, leaning casually against the doorframe and inspecting his nails. Ignis watched as Dante inspected the four of them, cocking his head when his gaze landed on Noctis.

"I know you from somewhere?" Dante asked.

Noctis shrugged, "I don't doubt it."

"Yeah, his face is pretty hard to forget!" Prompto added, throwing an arm around the prince. The blond jutted his chin at the trailer, "You do pest control? Weird name for that don't you think?"

At this, Dante burst into laughter, and it made Ignis' skin crawl. It was a nice enough laugh, with raspy undertones and a short bark. There was something else, though, as if the earth moved when he spoke, a certain element that made Dante bigger, his eyes brighter and for a minute Ignis thought he saw a flash of red. It was gone as soon as it came, but he could see it hovering around Dante's person. The energy seemed to caress his skin, licking at his shoulders and running down his legs only to go back and wrap itself around his head.

Ignis couldn't tell if it was evil or not, this alarming energy as Dante snapped at him and his friends.

"Whoever the fuck these guys are, Iris, I don't have time for this shit," Dante said, then gave a coy smile, "Unless you want to take a ride, huh Suspenders?"

Now Ignis felt all eyes on him, a heat rising to his cheeks and he heard Gladio make an indignant noise, moving forward with a clenched fist and a "What the hell did you just say?!" on his tongue. Ignis gulped, raising an eyebrow at Dante, who was still naked, as he had been for the past few minutes now, despite being in the presence of His Majesty and a young woman. He had to give him credit for standing his ground, but Ignis was not enjoying himself.

"Quite alright," Ignis said as politely as possible, tearing his gaze away from him, "I'm sure you're wonderful, but a trailer park is not exactly my idea of fun."

 "Awww," Dante cooed, leaning forward with his arms crossed, "I was really hoping to ruffle those feathers of yours a bit. Bet you'd look nice with your hair down." After a beat of silence, Dante clapped his hands, "Alright, just give me a minute and I'll be right back out."

 The door banged as he slammed it shut, the trailer itself shaking before rocking back on all four tires. A few minutes later, Dante came back out, sporting a pair of black pants and military boots, and Ignis couldn't stop the small gasp at the sight of an assortment of guns, knives and swords strapped to Dante's person.

"Couldn't find my shirt, sorry," Dante grinned, a look that told the others he was not sorry at all. "Ready to go?"

\------

Noctis didn't really know what to make of this Dante guy, as they sat at a haven in Longwythe, watching the man sprawl in a folding chair and munching on the spicy garula steaks like it was nothing- in they went, not chewed, swallowed whole. Honestly, Dante's eating habits rivaled Gladio's, but at least Gladio learned to actually chew his food and not talk while eating. His lean frame almost seemed to sink into the chair as he sat down, burping obnoxiously before licking grease and sauce off his fingers.

Charming.

"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub," Dante teased, "Anything else I can taste-test for ya?"

Ignis' face was beet red, and Noctis could see a fuming Gladio just out of the corner of his eye. IT would have been funny if Dante wasn't trying to rile them up every other minute. His flirting stopped looking as harmless and began moving into "If you don't shut up I'm going to fling you into the sun and make sure you burn alive" territory- and Noctis knew what Gladio was like when he was pissed.

"Hpw about we finish dinner for the time being?" Ignis pushed his glasses up the bridge of his noise, pointedly ignoring the sultry look Dante was throwing at him. "I'll need to get everything cleaned sooner or later and I'd rather not do it in the dark."

"We could do other things in the dark if you want-"

"That's it! I'm going to bed!" Prompto shot up from where eh was sitting, making Noctis jump. He had been so uncharacteristically quiet, silently tapping away on his phone for a while, enduring Dante's taunts with everyone else but Noctis could see how jittery he was in the slight twitch of his fingers, how his leg shook with anticipation as he got up and marched into the tent. His camera hung from the strap around his neck, untouched and unbothered.

Frowning, Noctis followed, leaving Gladio to make sad attempts in defending Ignis' honor from Dante.

"Prompto?" Noctis asked when he got inside the tent, "You alright?"

Promtpto grimaced, the lamp light casting eerie shadows from under his chin, making his face look gaunt, "It's just Dante made me a bit uncomfortable... with all the flirting. I' surprised Gladio hasn't punched his lights out yet."

Noctis nodded, "Yeah, he's been a bit over the top. Wonder if he knows Gladio had a thing for Ignis for, like, five thousand years and running?"

Prompto shrugged, turning his attention to his camera, "Maybe. Wouldn't put it past him, their little thing is hard to miss."

Noctis hummed, sitting himself down on the haven floor as Prompto fiddled with the camera's buttons. He wasn't usually so quiet- yes, Dante joining their party was a shock, and they didn't expect him to be with them for as long as he had been. Iris had to go back to the Leville, but Noctis thought that was for the better as Gladio was ready to tear Dante apart from the first meeting. Leaning closer to Prompto, Noctis stole a glance at the pictures- a tree with a family of Garula underneath it. A wide shot of Iris and Gladio sitting on the docks with their feet in the water. Ignis jumping just out of range of a Anak tusk, crystalline after-images following in his wake.

"You got a shot of Dante?" Noctis pointed at the screen, "What's he doing?"

The photo had been taken during the sunset- orange rays of light blending in with the creepy darkness that fell each night. An Iron Giant was present, with it's red force field and army of electrical weapons and purple imps. If Noctis wasn't looking particularly closely, he would have just thought it was another monster, but there he was. Dante, in all his shirtless, heavily armed glory, facing down the Iron Giant as if he were in a grocery store picking out an ice cream flavor in the freezer section. His stance was almost lazy, and his black hair looked to be tipped with white, but there was something off about the whole thing.

"Does he look weird to you?" Noctis asked Prompto as he squinted at the picture.

"His hair is legit turning white in this picture, Noct," Prompto snorted.

"No, I mean, like, his face." Noctis tapped the screen, "Zoom in on his face?"

The image Prompto showed him made Noctis' skin crawl. Sure, it was Dante, but he just looked... wrong, if that was the right term. His skin looked cracked, with red and black veins peeking through oddly pale almost translucent skin. His eyes were burning red as well, the sclera an inky unnatural black. His teeth were bared, almost fanged as he snarled at the Iron Giant in the photo.

The Iron Giant, which Noctis realized the more he looked at it, was cowering in Dante's presence. He told Prompto, the photographer going pale as realization filled his eyes; outside they could hear Gladio and Ignis talking, Ignis sounding curt while Gladio let his temper fly. Peeking outside the tent, Noctis saw Dante was sprawled out in his chair, sound asleep as his Shield and advisor argued.

"Do we tell the others?" Prompto said, "I mean- what if he has the Scourge?"

Noctis pursed his lips, "It's likely, but why would something else infected with the Scourge be scared of something also infected with it? If anything, they should be working together."

Ignis and Gladio's arguing had quieted a bit, and Noctis thought he could hear something along the lines of jealousy from Gladio. Gladio was jealous? Of Dante? Sure, he'd been flirting with Ignis the whole way here, but he'd address it later. Make sure to get in a few jabs when he could but now was not the time. Stealing a glance at Dante, the guy looked totally normal. Still shirtless, still with black hair and all his weapons. No weird thing about him.

"Wait, Noct-" Prompto nudged his side with a bony elbow, "Look at this!"

Onscreen, Noctis found himself staring again at Dante's back. He had nice muscle tone, with sharp shoulder blades and strong biceps. He could see the clasp of a necklace at the back of his neck, a few beauty marks here and there. But what caught his attention was the tattoo just under the nape of his neck, stretching out to his shoulders and dipping down his spine to a point.

Wings on a staff with a halo at the top. Glowing a bright white light, he was surprised he didn't notice it earlier. Now that Prompto pointed it out, it was all Noctis could look at.

It seemed out of place with the carnage on Dante's face, the eerie cracks in his skin and the ominous red he seemed to be surrounded with. The light was too pure, too clean to be coming from him but he couldn't pinpoint any other source in the photos.

Maybe...

"D' you think it could be related to Luna?" Noctis dared to asked, "The light, I mean."

"If it's related to the Oracel why would he look so demonic?" Prompto asked and Noctis conceded. he had a point; Luna's power as the Oracle was used to heal and help and Dante's power, whatever it was, looked like anything but. He let Prompto turn the camera off, but he knew for certain they had to tell Gladio and Ignis. If Iris' new friend was as mysterious as the photo let on, they had no idea what they were in for if shit hit the fan.

\-----

Shit hit the fan.

They were on their way to Accordo, deciding to stop in Hammerhead when she showed up.

"Cereza!" Dante called, and the four of them watched as the woman appeared from a sudden black hole in the atmosphere, a large foot following her on the way to the ground. It was wrapped in purple and black and blue tendrils, a large heel stomping on a nearby car before disappearing into a glowing purple circle.

"Cereza?" the woman questioned, playfully pouting, "Don't know her. But I know you. Dante, yes?"

Noctis looked over to see Gladio red-faced and Ignis crossing his arms with an unimpressed glare on his face. Prompto looked jittery, unsure if he should say hello or hang back. His fingers twitched, itching to get back on his camera and take photos. The woman was certainly beautiful- model thin with legs for days and glossy hair piled high with red ribbons and a leather jumpsuit that did her favors in the best way possible.

"Didn't think you Umbran witches knew who I was?" Dante asked, twirling on of his guns in his hands. He was still heavily armed, demanding to wear his weapons on his person even at outposts- much to Ignis' dismay he had managed to steal one of his shirts and wore it constantly. Noctis was pretty sure Ignis wouldn't be getting it back when this was over.

The woman sighed, shrugging her shoulders, "We have our ways. Now, care to tell me why you're traveling with the Chosen King and his pups?"

"Was bored. Satan's not gonna be particularly happy he didn't bring about the end of the world himself either, but what can you do?" Dante grinned, "Vergil hasn't bothered showing his ugly mug and these guys are fun to mess with."

Okay, wow. Kind of rude, if anyone asked, but traveling with Dante for a week made Noctis realize that's just who he was. The whole spiel about the end of the world wasn't too different but Satan? If this woman knew he was the Chosen king, how come Dante didn't?

"Don't be so rude,, Dante," the woman crooned, "He is your father, after all. And your dear brother wouldn't like to hear those words."

"Sparda and Vergil can suck my ass, I don't give a shit," Dante spat, "Go and style your demon hair elsewhere, Bayonetta."

Instead of doing so, however, Bayonetta tagged along, if only to get a rise out of Dante, who looked more pissed off with each passing minute. They had been running through Malamahm Thicket when a pack of imps and a naga struck and The four of them ended up taking a step back to watch Dante and his new friend at work. Bayonetta was definitely a force to be reckoned with as she flipped and twirled and pirouetted across the field, shooting bullets from her feet as she summoned none other than demon hair to kill her enemies.

Ignis and Gladio had been mortified as she proceeded to undress, as her hair was also her clothes.

That was a thing, apparently, but Noctis managed to ignore it as he focused on Dante. It was hard to see through the fabric, but sure enough, the tattoo from Prompto's photo was glowing once more, and the shirt was soon a goner as it was slashed to pieces during the fight.

"Ignis!" Noctis summoned his sword, glaring at the sudden onslaught of demons, "Instructions!"

\------

 In the end, the four of them barely lifted a finger.

Dante went all demon-crazy (it was something none of them were ever going to forget in the long term) and Bayonetta decided the best approach was stop get stark naked and summon demons with her hair. Which was now a thing, apparently. Add a bald man with anger issues and a husky voice that would make women everywhere swoon, it was a mess. But they were alive.

He had introduced himself as Rodin, and then disappeared into a portal, tossing Bayonetta another set of guns. Dante hung back, looking mildly annoyed but quiet for once. As soon as she had arrived, however,  Bayonetta disappeared through a swirling red portal and the four of them found none other than Dante glaring back at them, a curious gleam in his eyes.

"It's hard to think His Majesty here is tasked with saving the world and some shit," he said bitingly, "Given that I was tasked with the same thing."

Ignis scoffed, "You can't re-write the prophecy. It's given from the Gods."

"News flash, gorgeous!" Dante gnashed his teeth into a smirk, "So was I! I know your little sniper buddy saw it on his camera, not gonna deny it. But let the professional handle it."

Noctis raised an eyebrow, "You think I can't handle this?"

"How long have you trained?" Dante asked, "For this? How long?"

Noctis shrugged. "Since I was seventeen, I think. The Crystal's magic helps with most of it."

Dante's laugh was rough, a bark that made everyone's bones rattle and the ground shake. There was that eerie red aura again, licking across his arms and scuttling up his legs to wrap around him like a blanket. Noctis wasn't sure what kind of magic he was using but it reminded him too much of Ardyn's, dangerous and sharp.

"Why's it matter?" Gladio piped up, "You think you're better qualified?"

"Yeah, I do!" Dante shot back, "I know I am so take a seat and let me handle all this shit!"

"And what makes you think you're better equipped, huh?" Gladio reached out and shoved Dante's shoulder, making the man stumble. "We've trained since middle school for this shit, that's a long time! I don't need some snot-nosed punk telling me we can't handle what we trained to do!"

Dante was pushing back, his eyes flooded with anger and frustration. Noctis could see the blackness clouding his sclera once more, the red tinge in his iris'. Gladio didn't notice or didn't care, as they kept yelling at each other, pushing and shoving and grappling with one another.

"I'm not some idiot who swings a sword around!"

"No, you're just an asshole who happens to carry an entire armory on themselves!"

 " _Because I fucking have to you asshole_!"

The air went still, and Noctis watched as Dante snarled, beginning to pace like an animal caged. His upper body was covered in scratches and some bites, a few of them still bleeding slowly. His hands were rough, tugging at his hair, pulling at his face in despair as he tried to babble somewhat coherently. Noctis caught something about demons, another about a brother. Murder, sex, the whole shebang as Dante went on but he looked exhausted.

"So you see why I have to do it?" Dante gasped for breath, "While you deal with one world, I deal with both. If you get in my way then there'll be hell."

Noctis cocked his head, "What if Ardyn gets in the way first?"

"Noct!" Prompto chided, jabbing him sharply with his elbow.

Dante smirked, "That hobo- looking idiot? Yeah, fuck him and fuck you guys too if you don't let me do my job."

Ignis cleared his throat, fixing his glasses so they rested higher on the bridge of his nose, "If you don't mind me asking, what did the Chancellor do to you?"

And there it was. The same red aura, cold and dark as Dante's eyes lit up with righteous fury. His hair was turning white once again, the strands permanent against the dark nape of his neck. Gladio took a step back as Dante seemed to literally glow, and as Dante rolled his shoulders they saw how the injuries from the previous battle seemed to disappear, slithering back to whence they came leaving Dante's skin unblemished and smooth as marble.

"Normally I'd say," Dante said, "but this stays between the sons of Sparda and no one else."

"Then what about Bayonetta?" Prompto piped up, "That woman with the magic hair?"

Dante shrugged, "Just a woman trying to remember. Looks pretty damn good for a five hundred year old witch, but don't tell her I said that or she'll lop my balls off for sure."

"Duly noted!"

"Blondie's smart," Dante jutted his chin at Prompto, glaring at the other three, "If you're really dead-set on fighting that bag of dicks you should take a cue from his book. Be careful, and all that shit."

"What about you?" Noctis dared to ask, "If the king of Lucis can't handle it, what makes you think the 'Sons of Sparda' or whatever you are can?"

At this, Dante whipped out one of his guns, cocking the barrel until the sun gleamed off the metal.

"Because Sparda gave that fucker the Scourge," Dante grinned, "if some other entity gave him the immortality shit, fine, but the Scourge isn't anything to be taken lightly. I'm Dante the Demon Killer. And I'm gonna take back what's mine."


End file.
